Today we're tackling two listener questions about being solo polyamorous and wanting a more entangled or anchored relationships, either with existing partners or while seeking such a relationship. We'll talk about the feasibility of escalating existing partnerships, as well as making time for deeper, more entwined relationships while still spending time with existing partners.

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We're covering the topic of loneliness in today's episode. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness a public health crisis, and the physical health risks associated with loneliness are indeed staggering. We're going to dive into why loneliness seems to be at an all time high, pick apart some nuance regarding gender, age, and loneliness, and in the third part of the episode, go over some actionable tools on how to tackle loneliness. We'll talk about rewiring the brain, cultivating solitude, and how to become a social architect.

Sources and news articles referenced in this episode can be found here:

U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on Loneliness and Isolation (2023)

https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

Pew Research Center: "Men, Women and Social Connections" (January 2025)

https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/20/2025/01/ST_2024.1.16_social-connections_REPORT.pdf

Mindfulness training reduces loneliness and increases social contact in a randomized controlled trial

https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1813588116

CDC: "Social Connection and Mental Health..." (Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, 2022 data)

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/73/wr/mm7324a1.htm

AIBM: "Male Loneliness and Isolation: What the Data Shows"

https://aibm.org/research/male-loneliness-and-isolation-what-the-data-shows/

Psypost: "Massive meta-analysis finds loneliness has increased in emerging adults in the last 43 years" (Report on Buecker et al. study, 1976-2019)

https://www.psypost.org/massive-meta-analysis-finds-loneliness-has-increased-in-emerging-adults-in-the-last-43-years/

University of Michigan: "Loneliness and isolation back to pre-pandemic levels, but still high for older adults" (National Poll on Healthy Aging)

https://ihpi.umich.edu/news-events/news/loneliness-and-isolation-back-pre-pandemic-levels-still-high-older-adults

ResearchGate: "Gender Differences in Loneliness" (Borys & Perlman, 1985 study)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258180577_Gender_Differences_in_Loneliness

European Association of Personality Psychology: "Gender differences in loneliness across the lifespan: A meta-analysis"

https://www.earaonline.org/gender-differences-in-loneliness-across-the-lifespan-a-meta-analysis/

Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health: "Loneliness is hurting our health, but these policies could help"

https://hsph.harvard.edu/news/loneliness-is-hurting-our-health-but-these-policies-could-help/

Our World in Data: "Social connections and loneliness"

https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness

JEC Senate Report: "All the Lonely Americans"

https://www.jec.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/republicans/2018/8/all-the-lonely-americans

Aspen Valley Hospital: "Loneliness in Men"

https://aspenvalleyhealth.org/healthy-journey/loneliness-in-men/

Stanford Clayman Institute for Gender Research: "Men's loneliness is a feminist issue"

https://gender.stanford.edu/news/mens-loneliness-feminist-issue-men-without-men

Psychology Today: "The Practice That Can Ease Loneliness"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-influence/202202/the-practice-can-ease-loneliness

Congress for the New Urbanism: "Fighting loneliness through community design"

https://www.cnu.org/publicsquare/2024/01/04/fighting-loneliness-through-community-design

Campaign to End Loneliness: "Tackling loneliness through the built environment"

https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/wp-content/uploads/CEL-Tackling-loneliness-through-the-built-environment-Final.pdf

American Psychiatric Association: "New APA Poll: One in Three Americans Feels Lonely..." (Mentions 5-for-5 Challenge)

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/how-to-reduce-loneliness

Today we're bringing back a remastered episode from way back in the day. We're going to be revisiting our first episode about jealousy, diving into the science behind it, why we feel it in certain situations, what's happening inside our bodies, and some tips on how to manage struggling with jealousy. We'll also be sharing a discussion about evolutionary psychology that previously was exclusive to our Patreon community.

Today we're exploring rejection, specifically sexual rejection, and how it can affect our relationships. We'll first get into rejection itself and bids for connection, then discuss why we struggle with this. We'll go over Emily Nagoski's Dual Control model, and lastly, we'll talk about how to become pros at receiving no.

Today we're tackling a listener question about sharing information within polyamorous relationships. We'll be talking about how much information is okay to share in relationships and how to make sharing it easier so everyone involved retains their autonomy.

2024 study by Dr. Sharon M. Flicker

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We're thrilled to be welcoming back Brian G. Murphy as a guest to the show!

Brian is an organizer, author, and certified relationship coach helping LGBTQ+ and polyamorous people build thriving relationships on their own terms... without shame or "should"s.

Brian is also co-founder of QueerTheology.com, a resource hub, podcast, and online community, which explores how queerness and spirituality enrich one another.

He has spoken at colleges, congregations, and conferences across the country and his work has been featured in Vice, BuzzFeed, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, Upworthy, and NBC News.

Brian is the author of Love Beyond Monogamy, and co-author of Queers The Word and Reading The Bible Through Queer Eyes.

Throughout this episode, we'll be chatting with Brian about spirituality, rituals, and sacred texts, all through a queer and polyamorous lens.

Find Brian on Instagram, YouTube, and Threads @thisisbgm and be sure to check out Queer Theology and his books, all of which can be found at queertheology.com.

Today we're talking about polyamory under duress (PUD). Being non-monogamous comes with its own set of challenges, and sometimes when external pressure or internal conflicts can make it even more stressful. Dealing with polyamory under duress can be very difficult for our mental and emotional wellbeing, so today we're going to discuss why someone might be feeling duress in polyamory and who might be vulnerable to it.

We'll also talk about how to recognize if you might be in a situation that qualifies as polyamory under duress, whether persuasion or coercion is involved in PUD, and how to bring a sense of equilibrium back to the relationship if you think it might resemble a PUD situation.

From Nonmonogamy Help by Lola Phoenix: Polyamory Under Duress

We're excited to present a collaborative episode with Mr. and Mrs. Jones of We Gotta Thing podcast!

Mr. & Mrs. Jones are the hosts of the We Gotta Thing podcast. They are social swingers who place the highest importance on their primary relationship while seeking friendships and meaningful sexual experiences with others, together as a team. Their podcast chronicles their journey into and through this lifestyle over the last decade.

Everything they share is based on the perspective of their own personal preferences and experiences in the lifestyle. They believe there are many valid ways to approach non-monogamy that differ from theirs—they respect that even while sticking to and talking about what works for and appeals to them.

During this collaboration, we interview Mr. and Mrs. Jones about their experiences in the swinger community, and then they interview us about polyamory/non-monogamy, and to wrap up the episode, we have a discussion about new relationship energy (NRE).

Check out We Gotta Thing on Instagram and X @wegottathing, and make sure to give them a listen on your favorite podcast app!

Today we're talking about planfulness, or thinking ahead and planning things like scheduling time together, managing life's obligations, or making date or travel plans. Some of us struggle with this, while others are skilled at it. We'll be discussing the individual differences in planfulness, why they exist, and what you can do to lessen the load on yourself if planning is difficult for you.

<a href="https://multiamory.supercast.com/dashboard/shared/posts/12043">Episode 553 PDF Guide</a>

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Today we're tackling a question from a listener about managing jealousy and fear around a relationship where your partner dates other people like you. We'll be discussing insecurity, jealousy, self-love, and more while we break down this question and try to provide actionable advice.

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Today we're joined by a special guest we've had on the show before, Professor Annalisa Castaldo, to explore 'The Art of Courtly Love,' a medieval manuscript written 900 years ago that resembles a strange combination of romance novel, pickup artist manual, and incel manifesto. Professor Castaldo will be talking with us while we connect these medieval concepts of relationships to modern dating and discover how many of our common "romantic" traditions stem from problematic court culture.

Today we're discussing the Eight Worldly Concerns, or four things we desperately chase and four we desperately avoid, that have driven human behavior for more than 2500 years.

We'll go over the origin and history of these eight concerns, why they matter to relationships, and of course, we'll be talking briefly about each concern and some practical applications for everyday life.

The companion PDF for this episode is available here:

Eight Worldly Concerns PDF

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Today we're dusting off an old episode about cohabiting with a partner. In it, we talk about why people move in together, questions to ask yourself about possibly moving in with a partner, and of course, conversations to have with your potential living partner. We also discuss some specific points about non-monogamy and cohabitation, and how to be or choose a good platonic roommate was well.

Today we're back with another Q&A episode from one of our Supercast subscribers. We'll be talking about relationship dynamics and what to do when a partner is dating a close friend, how to navigate the situation, and tips on better communication for everyone involved.

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Today we're welcoming therapist Joe Nucci to the show to talk about myths about therapy and the effect they can have on your relationships.

Joe is a licensed psychotherapist and content creator. His debut book, published by Harper, is called Psychobabble: Viral Mental Health Myths and the Truths to Set You Free. It's available wherever you get books starting September 23rd, 2025.

Find more about Joe Nucci on his website https://joenuccitherapy.com/, or check him out on Instagram @joenuccitherapy.

Today we're chatting with Dr. Julie Carpenter about AI and its role in our relationships.

Dr. Julie Carpenter is a social scientist who studies how people relate to AI in its many forms, and how these interactions inform evolving ideas about self, identity, agency, and connection. Her research investigates the stories people construct around artificial beings and how those narratives influence the design and deployment of real-world AI. She is an external research fellow with the Ethics + Emerging Sciences Group at California Polytechnic State University and the author of The Naked Android: Synthetic Socialness and the Human Gaze, which unpacks how culture influences our expectations of robots, and why that matters.

Find more about Dr. Julie Carpenter on her website https://jgcarpenter.com/.

Today we're discussing our drive to seek security in relationships, especially as economic uncertainty increases, and how sometimes, that can turn around and bite us. We'll be talking about why we seek security in relationships, some paradoxes of security, and as always, some tools to help better understand your own behavior around seeking security in your relationships.

Today we're fielding another question from one of our Supercast subscribers. We'll be discussing how to handle your metamour not wanting to meet you or be a part of your life.

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Today we're talking about emotional intelligence, self-sabotage, and being objective about our thoughts and emotions. Have you ever had a thought that won't go away for a long time, especially a negative one about yourself? Sometimes our insecurities take advantage of us and encourage us to engage in self-sabotaging behavior. We're going to talk today about how to practice emotional regulation, self-sabotaging behavior, and more!

We're revisiting agreements, but this time with ourselves, not others. We're going to be talking about agreements, self agreements, how they differ from boundaries, and ways to generate self agreements so that you can start exploring what you expect from yourself in relationships versus what you expect from others.

Dedeker's Constitution

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Create Your Own Self Agreements Exercise PDF

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