Neurodiversity in polyamory

This week we’re joined by Stevie Lang! Stevie is an Autistic writer from Australia. He is completing a PhD focusing on care, gender and the family - with particular reference to mothers in prison. Throughout this episode Stevie answers several questions from our Patrons, split into two categories. For those who are neurodivergent, he answers the following:

1. Do you feel like there are aspects of being neurodivergent that make it easier to be polyamorous? Do you feel like there are aspects of being neurodivergent that make it more difficult to be polyamorous?

2. What kind of access needs do you have in your relationships? How do you discuss those with partners or possible partners? 

3. There are many of us neurodivergent folks in the ENM community. How much effort to educate non-ND folks falls on the ND partners shoulders, vs how much should the non-ND partner work on educating themselves? 

4. Does neurodivergence impact the way one experiences NRE, and if it does, are there any strategies that help other neurodivergent folk and their partners navigate this? 

For those who are neurotypical:

1. What are some things that Neurotypical people in the polyam community can do to be better allies?

2. What is some input on establishing and maintaining boundaries with ND folks, knowing that sometimes a “reasonable” boundary may cause an upset?

3. It seems that for the neurodivergent face to face communication is often difficult. How does one best navigate consent and the four F’s (fight flight freeze and fawn) with ND partners?

4. I’m dating someone who says their ADHD contributes to their struggles with time management and communication. Trying to figure out ways to navigate this. Trying to figure out ways to be supportive, but also feel like there needs to be accountability around learning the tools to help improve. I’m not sure if it makes sense to address neurodivergence as being innately part of one’s personality or not. What’s a good balance?

Find more of Stevie’s writing about Autism, non-monogamy, kink, trans experience and sexuality on his instagram, @_steviewrites.