535 - How Do You Maintain Equity Across Multiple Relationships? Listener Q&A

Today’s episode is focusing on one question from a listener:

Dear Multiamorists,

For the past year I’ve been in my first polyamorous relationship. I have two metamours who I have never met or spoken to. While my metamours live within an hour of my partner, I live 2.5 hours away. I understand that distance and money are a big factor in long distance relationships of any sort. But my partner will see his local partners weekly and sometimes I am unable to see him for 6 weeks or so. He says this is a financial issue but he pays for a weekly hotel room for him and one of my metamours. I live alone. When he comes here it’s just the cost of gas. When I go there I pay my gas and half the hotel.  Money is an issue for both of us. A concern. But I feel hurt that he says he can’t afford to see me but will still always prioritize seeing my metamour weekly despite the cost.  It’s his money and time and life and I cannot dictate to him how he spends it. But, it’s terribly painful to be in my position.  My partner does make time to call me most days of the week but due to opposite work and sleep schedules it’s becoming more and more challenging to connect by phone. How can I feel more prioritized by my partner?  Is there a way to encourage more equity between myself and my metamours?

Sincerely,

3rd Class Citizen in California

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