Demographics and Motivations for Non-Monogamy

Desire, Familiarity, and Engagement in Polyamory: Results From a National Sample of Single Adults in the United States. (2021)

According to this 2021 survey of 3,438 single American adults, 1 out of 6 people (16.8%) desire to engage in polyamory, and 1 out of 9 (10.7%) have engaged in polyamory at some point in their lives.

People who identified as “sexual minorities” were over twice as like as heterosexual participants to report a desire to engage in polyamory.  However, when looking at polyamory specifically, both LGBTQ and heterosexual participants were just as likely to have engaged in polyamory in the past. 

Moors, Amy C., Amanda N. Gesselman, and Justin R. Garcia. “Desire, Familiarity, and Engagement in Polyamory: Results From a National Sample of Single Adults in the United States.” Frontiers in Psychology 12 (March 23, 2021): 619640. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.619640.

A Prospective Investigation of the Decision to Open Up a Romantic Relationship. (2021)

In this study, researchers surveyed 233 people who were considering consensual non monogamy, but had not yet opened their relationships. Participants were first asked questions about their motivations for and interest in non monogamy, relationship quality, sexual satisfaction, and quality of life. Two months later, they were then asked additional questions to determine whether or not they had opened their relationships, and the effects of that decision on their relationships and quality of life. 

Of the 233 participants, 155 (67%) reported that they had opened their relationships in the two months since the first survey. The people who did open up, reported higher sexual satisfaction, while participants who remained closed reported lower sexual satisfaction. Interestingly, they found that while relationship satisfaction did not change significantly for either group, participants with higher relationship satisfaction were more likely to have opened their relationship.

Murphy, Annelise Parkes, Samantha Joel, and Amy Muise. “A Prospective Investigation of the Decision to Open Up a Romantic Relationship.” Social Psychological and Personality Science 12, no. 2 (March 2021): 194–201. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550619897157.

Motivations for Engaging in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships (2021)

In this survey of 540 people in CNM relationships, participants answered a variety of questions about their motivations, relationship agreements, and experiences, to help determine common reasons why people pursue non-monogamy.

The answers revealed six main interconnected themes:

  • Autonomy: CNM is natural for me, It is more authentic, Don’t want to control others or be controlled

  • Belief System: Beliefs that monogamy restricts development of authentic connection or is even harmful. CNM allows individual exploration. Belief that one person can’t provide all sexual and emotional needs, 

  • Relationality: Allows them to form, enhance, and maintain relationships (mostly sexual/romantic but also friendships). Creating community with likeminded people. Allows for more integrity in relationships.

  • Sexuality: Freedom of sexual identity and expression. Interest in variety, novelty, and excitement in sex. Can better accomodate sexual discrepancies with partners

  • Growth and Expansion: Desire for personal growth that is fostered in CNM. Learning more about self. Allows relationships to grow and change in ways that feel more “natural”

  • Pragmatism: Works better for current life and work needs. Ability to maintain LDR. Managing medical issues while getting needs met.

Wood, Jessica, Carm De Santis, Serge Desmarais, and Robin Milhausen. “Motivations for Engaging in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 50, no. 4 (May 1, 2021): 1253–72. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01873-x.

Consensual non-monogamy among kink-identified adults: Characteristics, relationship experiences, and unique motivations for polyamory and open relationships (2021)

This study looked at a US national quantitative study of 690 adults and a qualitative study of 70 adults in Northern California to explore the relationship between kink and CNM. All the participants identified as being in kink relationships.

Over 80% of participants indicated that they had at least 2 emotionally significant relationships, 58% had at least 3, and 43% had at least 4. They also found that many participants had emotionally close relationships with partners they were no longer sexual with and over 44% reported having at least one partner who did not share their kink interests. Using non-monogamy to address differences in kink or sexual desires was a common theme in the qualitative survey.

Vilkin, Ellora, and Richard Sprott. “Consensual Non-Monogamy Among Kink-Identified Adults: Characteristics, Relationship Experiences, and Unique Motivations for Polyamory and Open Relationships.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 50, no. 4 (May 1, 2021): 1521–36. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02004-w.

Demographic Comparison of American Individuals in Polyamorous and Monogamous Relationships. (2019)

This study compares demographic differences between people in polyamorous versus monogamous relationships in the United States. Within these two samples, individuals in polyamorous relationships are more likely than those in monogamous relationships to be transgender or nonbinary; identify as bisexual or pansexual; and identify as “multiethnic.” Also, polyamorous individuals were less likely to identify as Christian and less likely to identify as Republican. 

In terms of income, monogamous individuals were more likely to report making more than $100,000 per year, while polyamorous individuals were more likely to report making less than $20,000 per year. This, along with several other recent studies directly contradicts the previously-held belief that polyamory is mostly for wealthy individuals.

Balzarini, Rhonda N., Christoffer Dharma, Taylor Kohut, Bjarne M. Holmes, Lorne Campbell, Justin J. Lehmiller, and Jennifer J. Harman. “Demographic Comparison of American Individuals in Polyamorous and Monogamous Relationships.” The Journal of Sex Research 56, no. 6 (July 24, 2019): 681–94. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2018.1474333.

The Who and Why of Consensual Nonmonogamy Among African Americans (2020)

According to this survey of 1050  African Americans between the ages of 18-40, the primary reasons for choosing consensual non-mongamy include (and in order of prominence): excitement/sexual satisfaction (66%), lack of desire for commitment (22%), fear of losing partner/partner-initiated (16%), bisexuality (8%), desire to maintain honesty, truth, and integrity (8%), belief that its natural (6%), and lack of love for current partner (6%).  Importantly, there was no correlation between one’s likelihood to be in consensually nonmonogamous relationships and the following variables: age, gender, religious membership, education, and estimated household income. Sexual orientation, however, was a significant predictor: those identifying as homosexual, bisexual, or other were more likely to report being in some kind of consensually nonmonogamous relationship. Note that this study did not differentiate between various kinds of non-monogamy. 

St. Vil, Noelle M., Natalie M. Leblanc, and Kelly N. Giles. “The Who and Why of Consensual Nonmonogamy Among African Americans.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 50, no. 3 (April 2021): 1143–50. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01835-3.

Prevalence of Experiences With Consensual Nonmonogamous Relationships: Findings From Two National Samples of Single Americans (2016)

Using two separate nationally representative samples of single adults in the U.S. they found that more than one in five (21.9% in Study 1; 21.2% in Study 2) participants report engaging in CNM at some point in their lifetime.The study defined a consensual open relationship as "any relationship in which all partners agree that each may have romantic and/or sexual relationships with other partners."  That’s 1 in 5 people.

Haupert, M. L., Amanda N. Gesselman, Amy C. Moors, Helen E. Fisher, and Justin R. Garcia. “Prevalence of Experiences With Consensual Nonmonogamous Relationships: Findings From Two National Samples of Single Americans.” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy 43, no. 5 (July 4, 2017): 424–40. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1178675.

The Fewer the Merrier?: Assessing Stigma Surrounding Consensually Non-Monogamous Romantic Relationships. (2013)

Several large generalized studies have suggested that between 4 and 5% of Americans are currently in some form of non-monogamous relationship. That’s over 16 Million people just in the US. 

This study also found that polyamorous and other consensually non-monogamous relationships are generally perceived more negatively by the general public. Most significantly, they viewed monogamy as safer from STIs, more comforting, more stable, promotes more honesty, and is more respectful, even though those assumptions are false..

Conley, Terri D., Amy C. Moors, Jes L. Matsick, and Ali Ziegler. “The Fewer the Merrier?: Assessing Stigma Surrounding Consensually Non-Monogamous Romantic Relationships.” Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy 13, no. 1 (2013): 1–30. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1530-2415.2012.01286.x.

Non-monogamy and Relationship Health

Comparing Relationship Quality Across Different Types of Romantic Partners in Polyamorous and Monogamous Relationships (2019)

This study looked at responses from two large online convenience samples of over 2000 individuals in polyamorous and monogamous relationships, obtained in 2013. The majority of participants were 18-35 years old.

In comparison to monogamous relationships, this study replicated previous findings that hierarchical polyamorous relationships and monogamous relationships share a similar degree of commitment, satisfaction, acceptance from family and friends, and sexual activity. However, this study also highlighted that partners within non-hierarchical relationships experience similar levels of investment, relationship satisfaction, and commitment level. 

Only those secondary partners within explicitly hierarchical polyamorous relationships reported being less accepted from friends and family, are less satisfied with the relationship, less committed, less investments, greater relationships secrecy, higher quality of alternatives, and greater of proportion of time spent on sex.

Balzarini, Rhonda N., Christoffer Dharma, Taylor Kohut, Lorne Campbell, Justin J. Lehmiller, Jennifer J. Harman, and Bjarne M. Holmes. “Comparing Relationship Quality Across Different Types of Romantic Partners in Polyamorous and Monogamous Relationships.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 48, no. 6 (August 2019): 1749–67. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-1416-7.

Are there “Better” and “Worse” Ways to be Consensually Non-Monogamous (CNM)?: CNM Types and CNM-Specific Predictors of Dyadic Adjustment. (2021)

This study used results from 5 different surveys of people in different types of non-monogamous relationships, which they categorized as Open, Swinging, and Polyamory. 

These researchers consistently found that people in open relationships reported lower levels of satisfaction with their relationship, less trust in their partner, less commitment, and less passion when compared to swingers and polyamorous people. However, they found evidence that those results may not be linked to the relationship style itself, but to the levels of communication and motivations of the participants.

Communication styles, motivations for pursuing non monogamy, investment in pro-monogamy beliefs, and metamour relationships are all factors that influence one’s relationship experience while navigating consensual non monogamy.  As these researchers note, “Therefore, people who have more effective communication, have closer relationships with their metamours, idealize monogamy less, and are not pressured by external forces to enter CNM arrangements appear to have better dyadic adjustment, independent of the CNM style they enact.”

Conley, Terri D., and Jennifer L. Piemonte. “Are There ‘Better’ and ‘Worse’ Ways to Be Consensually Non-Monogamous (CNM)?: CNM Types and CNM-Specific Predictors of Dyadic Adjustment.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 50, no. 4 (May 2021): 1273–86. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02027-3.

Investigation of Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships: Theories, Methods, and New Directions. (2017)

A 2017 study of over 2000 people compared monogamous and non-monogamous relationships and found some interesting results:

  • People in CNM and mono relationships were equal in relationship satisfaction, commitment, and passionate love.

  • Trust was higher in CNM relationships than monogamous ones.

  • Not only was reported jealousy lower in CNM relationships (which is to be expected) but jealous behaviors were also lower (checking drawers, bags, pockets, etc).

The study also showed that among CNM respondents, polyamory had the lowest jealousy and highest romance and satisfaction, followed by swinging relationships. Individuals in “open relationships,” however, were significantly less satisfied and less committed to their relationship than their monogamous counterparts but still displayed slightly less jealousy.

Conley, Terri D., Jes L. Matsick, Amy C. Moors, and Ali Ziegler. “Investigation of Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships: Theories, Methods, and New Directions.” Perspectives on Psychological Science 12, no. 2 (March 1, 2017): 205–32. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691616667925.

Sexual Health and Non-Monogamy

A Comparison of Sexual Health History and Practices among Monogamous and Consensually Nonmonogamous Sexual Partners. (2015)

People in CNM relationships reported having more sexual partners in their lifetime while have the same or lower rate of STI as their monogamous counterparts. Additionally CNM partners reported taking more precautions than those in monogamous relationships in terms of greater condom use during intercourse with all partners and regular STI testing.

Lehmiller, Justin J. “A Comparison of Sexual Health History and Practices among Monogamous and Consensually Nonmonogamous Sexual Partners.” The Journal of Sexual Medicine 12, no. 10 (October 1, 2015): 2022–28. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12987.

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