First of all, on behalf of all of us at Multiamory, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who has looked at our blog, listened to our podcast, or liked our twitter page. The lovely people over at @utopiatvusa and FOX did us a great service by posting a link to our podcast on their twitter page. We are also eternally grateful to Polyinthemedia.blogspot.com and Utopiamadness.com for their wonderful articles that featured Dedeker and our website last week. We are very passionate about educating the world on polyamory and it is so unbelievably helpful when we are featured in the media. This site has been a dream of mine, Dedeker's and Jase's for quite some time and it is fantastic to know that we have hit the ground running with all the attention the site has been receiving. So from the bottom of all of our hearts, THANK YOU!
As most of you who read this blog know by now, one of our own, the lovely Miss Dedeker Winston, has embarked on a tremendous journey on the show Utopia, which premieres TODAY, September 7th on FOX. It is also Dedeker's 27th birthday today, and Jase and I wish we could be there in Utopia with her to celebrate. This show was not something that any of us ever anticipated, and to be honest, it was not something we even knew about until two months ago.
When the producers of FOX became interested in Dedeker, it sent those of us who care for her into a whirlwind of unknowns. I will be the first one to admit that this has not been an easy time for those of us closest to her. There have been many ups and downs, some arguments, some tears, and a lot of fear at the possibility of losing someone we love for an entire year. No one can really teach you what it will be like to have a lover go on a reality television show, let alone one that will put them out of contact with you for an indefinite amount of time. That is an insanely daunting prospect and one that can put a lot of strain on a relationship.
Probably the closest equivalent to this experience in everyday life would be a long-distance relationship. The huge difference however, is that normally you can see or communicate with your partner even when they live in a different location. Communication is key to all relationships, however we are unable to communicate with Dedeker at all during her time on Utopia. When we are left with only our own thoughts about her, they can turn destructive if not managed. Sometimes we may find ourselves asking, “What if she is a different person when she comes back from Utopia? What if her connection to each of us is less than it was before she left? What if she decides to live “off the grid” for the rest of her life, thus ending her relationships with us?” These fears are neither rational nor deserved but it is easy for the mind to go to ridiculous places when it is left to it's own devices.
We have each realized that we need to look at ourselves and choose to change the destructive patterns that can often come from personal insecurities. Jase has found solace in meditation, while I have found that honest conversation with him about my fears has helped me realize that they are unfounded. This year will be a continual process but I know that it will only get better from here. The fact that we are willing to do the work to become better individuals both in our personal lives and in our relationships is what has kept us sane during this crazy time!
Yes, this has been a challenging time, but the fact remains that we love Dedeker and have tremendous support for her in her decision to do this show. At the end of the day she is choosing to embark on this journey to spread awareness of polyamory and to demystify something that many people in America know nothing about. Hopefully by the time Dedeker exits the show, the world will know a lot more about polyamory and be more open to the idea of it existing out in the open in our society.