If you're new to polyamory, you might be feeling overwhelmed, but don't worry! We want to make your journey into non-monogamy as simple as possible, which is why we created The Beginner's Guide. Here you'll find a selection of podcast episodes, blog posts, and video content specifically chosen to help you get started. If you're interested in getting personalized help understanding polyamory or opening up your relationship, check out our coaching services.

The Basics / Jealousy / Sex / DatingTriads & Threesomes / Communication / Rules & Agreements / Emotions / Family / Recommended Reading

The Basics

It is never too late to give up your prejudices.
— Henry David Thoreau

The super basics: what polyamory is and isn't, some simple terminology, and the most important things to know before heading into a non-monogamous relationship.

 

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Jealousy

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.
— Havelock Ellis
This has nothing to do with jelly!
— Invader Zim

Jealousy comes up in every relationship, whether monogamous, polyamorous, or in between. Here you'll find tactics for not only understanding jealousy, but also harnessing it to increase your self-awareness and using it as an opportunity to increase intimacy in your relationships.


Sex

Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak you will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no wind.
— Elizabeth I

Alternative relationships aren't all about sex, but it might be the part that's the most fun to talk about! Below is info on how to communicate with your partners about safe sex, kinks, fantasies, and more.

 

 

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Dating

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day—and another, in case it doesn’t rain.
— Mae West

If you're polyamorous, it can be tricky to find other like-minded people who might be interested in dating you. Here you'll find important information when seeking non-monogamous partners both online and in real life.


Triads and Threesomes

Come and knock on our door
We’ll be waiting for you
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his
Three’s company too!
— Three's Company Theme Song

Many people think of 3-person relationships when they think of polyamory. Though group relationships are not necessarily the norm in the poly community, they are a possibility. Here are some things to consider if you are interested in being in a triad relationship.


Communication

Communication is a must in any relationship, and even more so in an open relationship. It can really make or break your connection to your partners, so it's important to get your communication skills top notch.

Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie.

Rules and Agreements

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
— H. P. Lovecraft

If you're opening up a currently closed relationship, it can be very tempting to create a long list of rules for keeping your partner in line. These rules tend to be strict, inflexible, and primarily made to avoid having to feel hurt or jealous. We generally discourage making rules, and instead prefer in-depth discussions with your partners to find out ways each of you can get your needs met without having to lay down the law.


Emotions

Emotionally intimate relationships tend to be, well, emotional! Many people in polyamorous relationships can be swept off their feet by new relationship energy or surprised by feeling warm and fuzzy compersion. Have no idea what we're talking about? You can learn al about it below!

Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.
— Plato

Family

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.
— Richard Bach

One of the most popular questions we're asked is how to manage open relationships and raising kids at the same time. Research has shown that growing up in a polyamorous household is not detrimental to kids. However, it's still important to make decisions about what kind of information to communicate to your kids (and possibly your in-laws).


Head over to our Recommended Resources page for our favorite books, podcasts, websites, and more.

Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.
— Karl Marx